Wow. I didn't think
there was so much
clutter in my mind.
My apt. yes, but
try to find the real
"me" under all the
shoulds, fears is a
real hunting job.
I'm in there some-
where but I need me
on demand, not after
the opportunity has
zipped on by.
Even if it stands
still for a clear shot
giving me time to focus
and aim, I'm still
shuffling around lucky
to find my true feelings
about any one thing.
Only after a re-centering
on the spot, as it were, and
then I'm wondering why I
don't just operate from
those feelings all the time
so I don't have to hunt them
down when I want to approach
even some sense of
authenticity in my relations
with the world and others.
At least I know how I want
to show up in the world and
I'm getting a clearer sense of
what that entails.
When you've been catering to
everyone it takes some courage
to stand up for yourself,
be true to your feelings,
when you've really just tried
to please all around you and
be "safe", don't rock any boats.
It's so simple to feel
what you're feeling
and stay true to and stand up for
that whether your liked or not.
What a concept, being true
to myself, being true to me,
being me.
Why did I have to make it so
complicated before?
I guess I'll just be myself and
let the cards fall where they will.
What a concept.
Why didn't I think of this before?
I think I'm happier now and life's
a lot less complicated coming
from this "new" realization--I can
be me--I don't have to figure out
who or how to be with each new
person I encounter. I don't have
to please anybody. Just myself.
I can just be me.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates All Rights Reserved
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
As within so without
I always tell my kids at school
who have a hard time getting started
on a writing assignment when I walk
past a few desks and see a blank
paper when others have dove right
in: I say, it doesn't matter what you
say, just say it. We can't go over
and make corrections to nothing.
Kids in school are oftentimes either
lazy, overwhelmed, undernourished
lack confidence (that's usually the
biggest one) and maybe many of those
all going on at once as well as
having other extraneous conditions
affecting what they do
or don't do in school.
So, if I give examples to give them
ideas of what to say or how to begin
they use mine instead of their own
creativity. I tell them they are at
the most imaginative time
of their lives and they could write
great stories and they do if they apply
themselves and try. They often surprise
themselves as well as me.
They often ask me how long the assignment
has to be. I challenge them: Make it as
long or short as you want, and then I
give examples of what I will accept
and what I won't given those
wide parameters and time frame, etc.
It's funny how kids intuitively take to
and love to draw to express
their imagination and worry not
whether their figures are misshapen
or colors "weird" or unnatural.
But tell them to WRITE something and they
get intimidated. Not all. Some valiantly
write down a string of "words" that could
only be described as a foreign or alien
language and when I ask them to read it
back to me they do so in perfect English.
I just nod and say of course, great!
and something like we'll correct the
spelling later--good job! They need that
confidence that they're succeeding and
so they try again and it gets better,
pretty soon we're proudly preparing their
work for open house.
These are very young kids just learning
how to write. If I correct something,
they're on it in as long as it takes to
flip their pencil over and start erasing
and writing it correctly.
We all have a story. We should feel free
to express it without a lot of criticism
and a whole bunch of praise. Kids shut down
their light way too early as it is and it
never need be anyway. Whatever spark is
there needs to get fanned and encouraged
or it could be lost to eons and very
difficult to rekindle and reestablish.
Every day many kids are required to read
for 30 minutes. I think that writing
should be able to share some of that time
to also be practiced. Even art could be
given as homework although I've never once
seen that in all my years of substituting.
Who knows what great talent could be
discovered if kids were given the incentive
and time to develop it.
Whatever we have within us can come out
and be shared with,and for the benefit of, all.
Nobody can say it or express it
exactly as we can so we all have something
original to offer the world.
When we keep it within, no one benefits. As
within so without just requires some
courage to not be afraid to be who we are
and a willingness to show that to and
share it with the world.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates All Rights Reserved
who have a hard time getting started
on a writing assignment when I walk
past a few desks and see a blank
paper when others have dove right
in: I say, it doesn't matter what you
say, just say it. We can't go over
and make corrections to nothing.
Kids in school are oftentimes either
lazy, overwhelmed, undernourished
lack confidence (that's usually the
biggest one) and maybe many of those
all going on at once as well as
having other extraneous conditions
affecting what they do
or don't do in school.
So, if I give examples to give them
ideas of what to say or how to begin
they use mine instead of their own
creativity. I tell them they are at
the most imaginative time
of their lives and they could write
great stories and they do if they apply
themselves and try. They often surprise
themselves as well as me.
They often ask me how long the assignment
has to be. I challenge them: Make it as
long or short as you want, and then I
give examples of what I will accept
and what I won't given those
wide parameters and time frame, etc.
It's funny how kids intuitively take to
and love to draw to express
their imagination and worry not
whether their figures are misshapen
or colors "weird" or unnatural.
But tell them to WRITE something and they
get intimidated. Not all. Some valiantly
write down a string of "words" that could
only be described as a foreign or alien
language and when I ask them to read it
back to me they do so in perfect English.
I just nod and say of course, great!
and something like we'll correct the
spelling later--good job! They need that
confidence that they're succeeding and
so they try again and it gets better,
pretty soon we're proudly preparing their
work for open house.
These are very young kids just learning
how to write. If I correct something,
they're on it in as long as it takes to
flip their pencil over and start erasing
and writing it correctly.
We all have a story. We should feel free
to express it without a lot of criticism
and a whole bunch of praise. Kids shut down
their light way too early as it is and it
never need be anyway. Whatever spark is
there needs to get fanned and encouraged
or it could be lost to eons and very
difficult to rekindle and reestablish.
Every day many kids are required to read
for 30 minutes. I think that writing
should be able to share some of that time
to also be practiced. Even art could be
given as homework although I've never once
seen that in all my years of substituting.
Who knows what great talent could be
discovered if kids were given the incentive
and time to develop it.
Whatever we have within us can come out
and be shared with,and for the benefit of, all.
Nobody can say it or express it
exactly as we can so we all have something
original to offer the world.
When we keep it within, no one benefits. As
within so without just requires some
courage to not be afraid to be who we are
and a willingness to show that to and
share it with the world.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates All Rights Reserved
Friday, May 25, 2012
Something to live for each day
I was a goalie in college athletics. This tells me
I was good at defense (I was), and more
focused on saving than making (goals).
I also swam the backstroke.
I never thought of it in this way,
but I was making progress through the
water without seeing
where I was going--an analogy for the way
I've lived my life, for sure.
Now, I've felt I've needed
to choose some purposeful path
for the next part of my life,
feeling the potency
to actually set a goal and achieve it.
Powerlessness and victimhood seem to be moulting
from my body and waters are clearing to enable
a sight of myself I've not allowed to be seen--not
even to me. It's not even a goal that needs to be
set but more an uncovering of a prize, a treasure
within like unused dollars stuffed in a mattress
waiting to be discovered after a long forgotten
absence of awareness--having gained interest even,
over the years, from the Bank of Me.
Now I just have to recognize and see who, secretly,
has inhabited this body all these years and needs
to fearlessly come out of the closet. It would make
life whole lot easier than operating from a defensive
posture, always protecting against loss and harm and
sidestepping the slings of life but not actually
making any forward progress. I'm excited to find out
who, finally, I am. How I feel about things
or how do things make me feel.
I'm feeling my view of myself has been definitely undervalued
and is due for a market rise just to be competitive on the
exchange.
When I get up each day, more and more I'm losing my fear
of not being true to myself--or even BEING
true to myself, to my feelings, and not my fears and shoulds,
rules and perfective attempts at living.
I think I'll try the crawl, breaststroke, or even the
butterfly, allowing myself to emerge from a dim cocoon
so I can see where I'm heading
from a higher perspective and clearer vision.
I was good at defense (I was), and more
focused on saving than making (goals).
I also swam the backstroke.
I never thought of it in this way,
but I was making progress through the
water without seeing
where I was going--an analogy for the way
I've lived my life, for sure.
Now, I've felt I've needed
to choose some purposeful path
for the next part of my life,
feeling the potency
to actually set a goal and achieve it.
Powerlessness and victimhood seem to be moulting
from my body and waters are clearing to enable
a sight of myself I've not allowed to be seen--not
even to me. It's not even a goal that needs to be
set but more an uncovering of a prize, a treasure
within like unused dollars stuffed in a mattress
waiting to be discovered after a long forgotten
absence of awareness--having gained interest even,
over the years, from the Bank of Me.
Now I just have to recognize and see who, secretly,
has inhabited this body all these years and needs
to fearlessly come out of the closet. It would make
life whole lot easier than operating from a defensive
posture, always protecting against loss and harm and
sidestepping the slings of life but not actually
making any forward progress. I'm excited to find out
who, finally, I am. How I feel about things
or how do things make me feel.
I'm feeling my view of myself has been definitely undervalued
and is due for a market rise just to be competitive on the
exchange.
When I get up each day, more and more I'm losing my fear
of not being true to myself--or even BEING
true to myself, to my feelings, and not my fears and shoulds,
rules and perfective attempts at living.
I think I'll try the crawl, breaststroke, or even the
butterfly, allowing myself to emerge from a dim cocoon
so I can see where I'm heading
from a higher perspective and clearer vision.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Chocolate :)
I ate chocolate today
So many mixed feelings about
the enjoyment of that pleasure.
I like the sweet, sugary and I guess,
stimulating taste of it. It sort
of rushes my brain like an Al Capone
drug raid but if I take the time
to slow down and feel its satiating
effects and don't overeat it--I always usually know when I overeat food if I tune into how full I'm feeling but am usually not able to stop myself from the stuffed, comforting feeling of the emotion-numbing fullness of food--if I don't overeat it, I can recover my brain and nervous system balance with the addition of other healthy foods, if I also don't overeat them, as well.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that if it's in the house--look out! Unless I deprive and deny myself what I want, when I want it, and say to myself, "no, you shouldn't eat that kind of food if you want the highest state of health and clarity of mind, etc." , I'm going to indulge when my should-censor is napping or has temporarily opened the gate to relax my stringent restrictions on what is good for me and what is not.
Chocolate contains a lot of magnesium among other things and I may have been craving that nutrient and would have been fine, without cravings for a sugary, junky-type food (there are probably many worse than chocolate!) if I'd have had just that without the sugar, caffeine, and other chemicals in chocolate that people find so addicting and keep them coming back for more and more.
But I didn't think of that until after I had the chocolate and felt the similar calming, stress-relieving feeling as I get from a healthy dose of magnesium powder:)
I could probably do without chocolate and not miss it but it does enhance performance even though an eventual letdown is inevitable unless you keep a continuous stream coursing through your veins, but then you're asking for adrenal burnout from caffeine addiction--not good for people who live a healthy, high-energy lifestyle, such as myself.
So I'm left with the enigma of whether to have this stuff around or wait until I just have to make a special trip to the store to indulge my (latent) addiction--it's really not there if I keep other, healthy foods nourishing my body.
I think it's mainly the stress of the day that needs to be addressed esp. when I get home from work at the end of the day, and can be handled in ways that make chocolate a treat, if at all, once in a (great) while and other tasty, fun, healthy foods or exercises, meditation, etc. can reduce some of that "pressure" to give in to something maybe my body only needs for pain relief and would not need if the pain was gone and I was pretty relaxed from working out, say.
Have I painted myself into a corner, yet?
I have bought carob so I could sleep at night and enjoy a chocolaty flavor. But now that I'm sleeping somewhat better...can you see where I'm going with this...I think I'll stop here..while I'm ahead--I am ahead aren't I:)?
So many mixed feelings about
the enjoyment of that pleasure.
I like the sweet, sugary and I guess,
stimulating taste of it. It sort
of rushes my brain like an Al Capone
drug raid but if I take the time
to slow down and feel its satiating
effects and don't overeat it--I always usually know when I overeat food if I tune into how full I'm feeling but am usually not able to stop myself from the stuffed, comforting feeling of the emotion-numbing fullness of food--if I don't overeat it, I can recover my brain and nervous system balance with the addition of other healthy foods, if I also don't overeat them, as well.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that if it's in the house--look out! Unless I deprive and deny myself what I want, when I want it, and say to myself, "no, you shouldn't eat that kind of food if you want the highest state of health and clarity of mind, etc." , I'm going to indulge when my should-censor is napping or has temporarily opened the gate to relax my stringent restrictions on what is good for me and what is not.
Chocolate contains a lot of magnesium among other things and I may have been craving that nutrient and would have been fine, without cravings for a sugary, junky-type food (there are probably many worse than chocolate!) if I'd have had just that without the sugar, caffeine, and other chemicals in chocolate that people find so addicting and keep them coming back for more and more.
But I didn't think of that until after I had the chocolate and felt the similar calming, stress-relieving feeling as I get from a healthy dose of magnesium powder:)
I could probably do without chocolate and not miss it but it does enhance performance even though an eventual letdown is inevitable unless you keep a continuous stream coursing through your veins, but then you're asking for adrenal burnout from caffeine addiction--not good for people who live a healthy, high-energy lifestyle, such as myself.
So I'm left with the enigma of whether to have this stuff around or wait until I just have to make a special trip to the store to indulge my (latent) addiction--it's really not there if I keep other, healthy foods nourishing my body.
I think it's mainly the stress of the day that needs to be addressed esp. when I get home from work at the end of the day, and can be handled in ways that make chocolate a treat, if at all, once in a (great) while and other tasty, fun, healthy foods or exercises, meditation, etc. can reduce some of that "pressure" to give in to something maybe my body only needs for pain relief and would not need if the pain was gone and I was pretty relaxed from working out, say.
Have I painted myself into a corner, yet?
I have bought carob so I could sleep at night and enjoy a chocolaty flavor. But now that I'm sleeping somewhat better...can you see where I'm going with this...I think I'll stop here..while I'm ahead--I am ahead aren't I:)?
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Getting What We Deserve
How sure we are that we know
what's best for us
and that with just enough
effort
we can create,
manifest,
or bring that ideal desire
into rather immediate
being
if we just try hard enough
put enough focus
really think
and believe
it's all for the best
that we get what we want...
and then a greater wisdom
slows our pace
considerably
and we're forced
or encouraged
to find a more
creative solution
to getting our desire
fulfilled
in the way we think
it should come to us
or in the way
things like that
normally come.
We don't set out
for self-disappointment.
It's just
the way the universe works
and parcels things out
sometimes.
So as imperfectly progressive
as our lives are
we can ask and clarify
so the universe knows
which way to head
as we set up
contingency plans
for whatever happens
on our pursuit.
It would serve us
to be happy
with whatever result
the universe delivers
or doesn't deliver
so we can quickly
redirect our efforts
with the best chance
of getting what we deserve.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
what's best for us
and that with just enough
effort
we can create,
manifest,
or bring that ideal desire
into rather immediate
being
if we just try hard enough
put enough focus
really think
and believe
it's all for the best
that we get what we want...
and then a greater wisdom
slows our pace
considerably
and we're forced
or encouraged
to find a more
creative solution
to getting our desire
fulfilled
in the way we think
it should come to us
or in the way
things like that
normally come.
We don't set out
for self-disappointment.
It's just
the way the universe works
and parcels things out
sometimes.
So as imperfectly progressive
as our lives are
we can ask and clarify
so the universe knows
which way to head
as we set up
contingency plans
for whatever happens
on our pursuit.
It would serve us
to be happy
with whatever result
the universe delivers
or doesn't deliver
so we can quickly
redirect our efforts
with the best chance
of getting what we deserve.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
But...not all the Time
I love to write
but not all the time.
I love to run
but not all the time.
I love to surf the internet
I love to do coffee enemas
I love to eat mangoes
I love to sleep grounded
but not...all the time.
When someone asks me
what I love to do
I have the same reply--
whatever I say to them
...but not all the time.
So I guess I"m going to have
to make up my own job
so I can do what I want
when I want
with as much freedom
as I can marshall for myself.
Other people's wants for me
may not be my wants.
So I guess I'm going to
have to divest myself
of their demands
and strike out on my own.
Ohhhh..scary? or
ooohh..challenging!
I get to pick
my opportunities--
heaven forbid
I would be untrue to myself--
after all
I have to live
with the results of my actions.
If I am attracting anything less
than a joyful experience
into my life,
I get to change it.
I get to take the risks.
I get to listen
to my inner guidance.
I get to take credit
for succeeding--
not so much in the
outer world
but in the inner
satisfaction of doing
something meaningful
to me well.
Ah, the blessed freedom
of life's open book
to be written in in
any way I choose
but not
yes, you got it
...all the time.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
but not all the time.
I love to run
but not all the time.
I love to surf the internet
I love to do coffee enemas
I love to eat mangoes
I love to sleep grounded
but not...all the time.
When someone asks me
what I love to do
I have the same reply--
whatever I say to them
...but not all the time.
So I guess I"m going to have
to make up my own job
so I can do what I want
when I want
with as much freedom
as I can marshall for myself.
Other people's wants for me
may not be my wants.
So I guess I'm going to
have to divest myself
of their demands
and strike out on my own.
Ohhhh..scary? or
ooohh..challenging!
I get to pick
my opportunities--
heaven forbid
I would be untrue to myself--
after all
I have to live
with the results of my actions.
If I am attracting anything less
than a joyful experience
into my life,
I get to change it.
I get to take the risks.
I get to listen
to my inner guidance.
I get to take credit
for succeeding--
not so much in the
outer world
but in the inner
satisfaction of doing
something meaningful
to me well.
Ah, the blessed freedom
of life's open book
to be written in in
any way I choose
but not
yes, you got it
...all the time.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
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