Something to live for each day

I was a goalie in college athletics. This tells me
I was good at defense (I was), and more
focused on saving than making (goals).
I also swam the backstroke.
I never thought of it in this way,
but I was making progress through the
water without seeing
where I was going--an analogy for the way
I've lived my life, for sure.
Now, I've felt I've needed
to choose some purposeful path
for the next part of my life,
feeling the potency
to actually set a goal and achieve it.
Powerlessness and victimhood seem to be moulting
from my body and waters are clearing to enable
a sight of myself I've not allowed to be seen--not
even to me. It's not even a goal that needs to be
set but more an uncovering of a prize, a treasure
within like unused dollars stuffed in a mattress
waiting to be discovered after a long forgotten
absence of awareness--having gained interest even,
over the years, from the Bank of Me.
Now I just have to recognize and see who, secretly,
has inhabited this body all these years and needs
to fearlessly come out of the closet. It would make
life whole lot easier than operating from a defensive
posture, always protecting against loss and harm and
sidestepping the slings of life but not actually
making any forward progress. I'm excited to find out
who, finally, I am. How I feel about things
or how do things make me feel.
I'm feeling my view of myself has been definitely undervalued
and is due for a market rise just to be competitive on the
exchange.
When I get up each day, more and more I'm losing my fear
of not being true to myself--or even BEING
true to myself, to my feelings, and not my fears and shoulds,
rules and perfective attempts at living.
I think I'll try the crawl, breaststroke, or even the
butterfly, allowing myself to emerge from a dim cocoon
so I can see where I'm heading
from a higher perspective and clearer vision.