Life's surprises
are so much fun.
Our way pales
in comparison.
The ambiguous
unknown stalks us
relentlessly.
We cannot anticipate
it's timely appearance.
Totally unexpected,
such a fortunate
turn of events
totally delights.
Mesmerized by
the fascination
of the new find
we drop all plans
and change course.
Hardly believing
what's happening to us
we are left with
the only option-
to accept such a gift.
No one can rewind
this experience
as never happening-
because it already did.
We get to keep it
the first time
it happened-
and replayed
in our memories-
however future events
play out.
The excitement
engendered
defies description.
It can only be held
in the exact center
of our hearts.
How satisfying.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Consult yourself first
I tell kids
at school:
"Just start.
You can
always erase
the first lines
if you don't
like them."
But if you
don't start
sending signals
to your brain
(by writing):
"get busy!
Start sending
me some ideas.
Can't you see
I'm in the process
of writing something?"
it won't--
overcome its inertia
so easily.
My spontaneity
precludes
most planning
I'm so committed
to following my
gut feelings, first
backed up
by my logic, later
that all my great
grand ideas
about how
I'm going to
make things happen when
are often washed out
for a simple
feeling in the moment.
So I try
to keep my life
rather fluid
not set in stone
which seems
to work best.
Sometimes though
I think certainty
equals security
or money does.
No,
trust in myself
is a closer
approximation.
Nothing
material can even
come close
to masquerading
as security.
So why
are we taught
these things?
It's undoubtedly
time for
a paradigm change.
If I can't
depend on myself,
still being
interdependent
with others,
I've cut
myself off
from my source.
To those ends
I try to keep
as healthy
as I can.
A broken down
bike isn't
much use
to anybody.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
at school:
"Just start.
You can
always erase
the first lines
if you don't
like them."
But if you
don't start
sending signals
to your brain
(by writing):
"get busy!
Start sending
me some ideas.
Can't you see
I'm in the process
of writing something?"
it won't--
overcome its inertia
so easily.
My spontaneity
precludes
most planning
I'm so committed
to following my
gut feelings, first
backed up
by my logic, later
that all my great
grand ideas
about how
I'm going to
make things happen when
are often washed out
for a simple
feeling in the moment.
So I try
to keep my life
rather fluid
not set in stone
which seems
to work best.
Sometimes though
I think certainty
equals security
or money does.
No,
trust in myself
is a closer
approximation.
Nothing
material can even
come close
to masquerading
as security.
So why
are we taught
these things?
It's undoubtedly
time for
a paradigm change.
If I can't
depend on myself,
still being
interdependent
with others,
I've cut
myself off
from my source.
To those ends
I try to keep
as healthy
as I can.
A broken down
bike isn't
much use
to anybody.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Little kids
I love little kids.
They can
get away
with asking you:
"What's wrong
with your hair"?
They talk from
the heart and a
keen perception
adults aren't
really
focused on.
And you've got
to be careful
what you say
around them.
They take
it all in--
they want
to learn
their experience
is so limited--
like a
copy machine
and save it
to their
hard drive
mainly because
that's all
they've got
to go on
for now
and they figure
you know better.
They're wise
way beyond
their years
though,
and to mine
that wisdom
you have be
skillfully attentive
to be able to
enter their stream
of often
wholly original
points of view
and thought.
They live
in the now
and find
the most
fascination
and fun
in the simplest
of things.
Why do we
so often
write them off
before we
change them
into beings
like us?
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
They can
get away
with asking you:
"What's wrong
with your hair"?
They talk from
the heart and a
keen perception
adults aren't
really
focused on.
And you've got
to be careful
what you say
around them.
They take
it all in--
they want
to learn
their experience
is so limited--
like a
copy machine
and save it
to their
hard drive
mainly because
that's all
they've got
to go on
for now
and they figure
you know better.
They're wise
way beyond
their years
though,
and to mine
that wisdom
you have be
skillfully attentive
to be able to
enter their stream
of often
wholly original
points of view
and thought.
They live
in the now
and find
the most
fascination
and fun
in the simplest
of things.
Why do we
so often
write them off
before we
change them
into beings
like us?
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Thursday, June 21, 2012
fun humor and laughter
the day's dawn
begins a new
chance
at living a life
free from
yesterday's sorrows
pains disappointments
we may have wished for
circumstances seemingly
beyond our control
or else why wouldn't
we have had them
a woman who I wanted
to hug, attractive and
wanting closer contact
a better look
seemingly overpowered
surrendering reluctantly
to a greater strength
skill yet wondering how
coming out of the corner
off the ropes I could have
bounced back into
my own
taking control
once again
I wish I knew
my heart
and what it wanted
so often all that is
hidden from me
once I get what I think
I wanted I find out
that wasn't it
I actually knew it wasn't from
prior experiences which
didn't work out so well either
is the path that hard that
I can't see it and even if
I did why wouldn't I just
step on it and start walking
in the right direction
time to walk down
a different street
fun, humor and
laughter blvd
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
begins a new
chance
at living a life
free from
yesterday's sorrows
pains disappointments
we may have wished for
circumstances seemingly
beyond our control
or else why wouldn't
we have had them
a woman who I wanted
to hug, attractive and
wanting closer contact
a better look
seemingly overpowered
surrendering reluctantly
to a greater strength
skill yet wondering how
coming out of the corner
off the ropes I could have
bounced back into
my own
taking control
once again
I wish I knew
my heart
and what it wanted
so often all that is
hidden from me
once I get what I think
I wanted I find out
that wasn't it
I actually knew it wasn't from
prior experiences which
didn't work out so well either
is the path that hard that
I can't see it and even if
I did why wouldn't I just
step on it and start walking
in the right direction
time to walk down
a different street
fun, humor and
laughter blvd
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Riding my Bike
If I was sleepy, I woudn't write this.
But I'm not so I am.
I rode my bike this evening.
So joyful over some of the
same route I usually run--so
much work--running--so easy
bike riding. I get to see everything.
Houses, signs, people, animals,
trees--oh, I see them when I
run but their more of a blur.
I'm more concerned where I'm
placing my foot than sight-seeing.
Nevertheless there's now a place
for both of those activities in my
life esp. since it's summer and the
rain has disappeared virtually from
this season.
My bike was getting to be clutter
anchored on my porch deck in one
place for pretty much 5 years.
I didn't realize one of the criteria for
the definition of clutter is: unused-- if
you ain't usin' it, its clogging up your
living space that could be taken up
by something you DO use and love.
So it was either get rid of it or use it.
I don't feel I build my conditioning as
fast as with running because I go slower
than I could like if I was racing, but
like I said the overall purpose is
somewhat different. And it's better
than internet surfing since I do a lot more
of that than ride my bike.
I think I'm starting to wind down and
get sleepy ergo, end of writing. Writers,
bike riders, bloggers need their sleep, too.
Gary Frates
But I'm not so I am.
I rode my bike this evening.
So joyful over some of the
same route I usually run--so
much work--running--so easy
bike riding. I get to see everything.
Houses, signs, people, animals,
trees--oh, I see them when I
run but their more of a blur.
I'm more concerned where I'm
placing my foot than sight-seeing.
Nevertheless there's now a place
for both of those activities in my
life esp. since it's summer and the
rain has disappeared virtually from
this season.
My bike was getting to be clutter
anchored on my porch deck in one
place for pretty much 5 years.
I didn't realize one of the criteria for
the definition of clutter is: unused-- if
you ain't usin' it, its clogging up your
living space that could be taken up
by something you DO use and love.
So it was either get rid of it or use it.
I don't feel I build my conditioning as
fast as with running because I go slower
than I could like if I was racing, but
like I said the overall purpose is
somewhat different. And it's better
than internet surfing since I do a lot more
of that than ride my bike.
I think I'm starting to wind down and
get sleepy ergo, end of writing. Writers,
bike riders, bloggers need their sleep, too.
Gary Frates
Monday, June 18, 2012
Unleashed to Romp
On vacation
unbonded from the
drudge of catering
to other people's
schedules.
Readjusting
to more solitude,
less stimulation
as if someone
pulled the plane
out from under
my very soul
in mid air
and I'm coasting
freely
back to earth
(taking my time:).
"Go play"
the universe says--
"go on..."
as if unleashed
from some
master's shackles
free to romp
and explore
everything in its
sensual radar.
The shackles are mine--
my choice to submit
to the outer
or the inner voice.
No one's master
unless I give them
that power--
and why
would I do that?
Live from
a fearful mentality?
When's dinner?
is all I
want to know.
(Running around
works up my appetite!)
An appetite
for newness--
something undone
by me before
a challenge
not something impossible
just fun
to see if I can do it
and to have fun
in that seeing
even if
I'm not able yet
the fun is
in the stretching
otherwise
making it hard ensues
out of a sense
of boredom
and riveting sameness.
Free for the taking
life without
shackles,
fears
is what is offered.
Working on coming
from that perspective
every time.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
unbonded from the
drudge of catering
to other people's
schedules.
Readjusting
to more solitude,
less stimulation
as if someone
pulled the plane
out from under
my very soul
in mid air
and I'm coasting
freely
back to earth
(taking my time:).
"Go play"
the universe says--
"go on..."
as if unleashed
from some
master's shackles
free to romp
and explore
everything in its
sensual radar.
The shackles are mine--
my choice to submit
to the outer
or the inner voice.
No one's master
unless I give them
that power--
and why
would I do that?
Live from
a fearful mentality?
When's dinner?
is all I
want to know.
(Running around
works up my appetite!)
An appetite
for newness--
something undone
by me before
a challenge
not something impossible
just fun
to see if I can do it
and to have fun
in that seeing
even if
I'm not able yet
the fun is
in the stretching
otherwise
making it hard ensues
out of a sense
of boredom
and riveting sameness.
Free for the taking
life without
shackles,
fears
is what is offered.
Working on coming
from that perspective
every time.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Free to be me
I feel untethered, adrift in space
free to be me--
whoever that is.
Some bonds have been loosened
and cast aside.
Some sticky ropes have dissolved.
Each new day
is a clean slate
wiped clear by the night's sleep.
It's almost like a sensual,
sexual experience that I want
to have with thin air!
I don't have to do
what I've always done.
Before is just an
afterthought.
Now is it!
I don't know what's coming
in the next now
but I sense
the possibilities
are infinite.
I am learning to allow
more good experience
to come into my life--
not pushing it out
not denying that
I'm worthy,
but welcoming it.
Feeling GOOD
about myself
as deserving
of all the love
that's beating
at my doors
and walls
of resistance
seeking the
acceptance
and returned love
of a heart
that's open.
Copyright © 2012 by Gary Frates
free to be me--
whoever that is.
Some bonds have been loosened
and cast aside.
Some sticky ropes have dissolved.
Each new day
is a clean slate
wiped clear by the night's sleep.
It's almost like a sensual,
sexual experience that I want
to have with thin air!
I don't have to do
what I've always done.
Before is just an
afterthought.
Now is it!
I don't know what's coming
in the next now
but I sense
the possibilities
are infinite.
I am learning to allow
more good experience
to come into my life--
not pushing it out
not denying that
I'm worthy,
but welcoming it.
Feeling GOOD
about myself
as deserving
of all the love
that's beating
at my doors
and walls
of resistance
seeking the
acceptance
and returned love
of a heart
that's open.
Copyright © 2012 by Gary Frates
Monday, June 11, 2012
Mythical Writer's Block
I had a difficult time journaling
this morning. Barely got 1/2 page
when I quit to do "other things".
I felt I couldn't go on. I was
externalizing all the emotions that
got stirred up over the weekend with
each word I put down. It was just
all too much, so I quit.
Then a couple hours later I came
back to the page. I thought it
would take me "a year" to write my
allotted daily 3 pages. So I
began again continuing word by word.
Then, as if someone (I wonder who?)
pulled their thumb out of the dike to
check to see if they had trimmed their
nails all you-know-what broke loose.
I realized I was choosing to use my
writing as a catharsis and once
consciously aware of that I gained
momentum and steam writing as fast
as my mind could think (almost!)
or more accurately as my heart could
feel just getting it down and out,
spelling be(I don't want to swear here)
darned and I just let out with remarkable
clarity and articulate expression all
that I had taken in but hadn't allowed
to flow through and out of me in
the natural manner anything is taken
into the body as sustenance, used and
processed and let go of effortlessly.
I've experienced breaking through this
barrier of apparent writer's block before
knowing it for the sham it is--
a worthless veil over my light,
clamoring for expression.
Unexpressed magnificence festers in the
soul and eventually kills the organism.
A kind of autoimmune disease of the spirit.
Nature shuttles us forward when we begin
and take a step or two in her direction.
My 1/2 page turned into 10 pages unusually
pouring my heart and feelings onto the page
instead of my mind and ideas.
I guess the moral is don't quit at 1/2 page.
Something relaxes and loosens and the
flow begins in earnest.
Copyright © 2012 by Gary Frates
this morning. Barely got 1/2 page
when I quit to do "other things".
I felt I couldn't go on. I was
externalizing all the emotions that
got stirred up over the weekend with
each word I put down. It was just
all too much, so I quit.
Then a couple hours later I came
back to the page. I thought it
would take me "a year" to write my
allotted daily 3 pages. So I
began again continuing word by word.
Then, as if someone (I wonder who?)
pulled their thumb out of the dike to
check to see if they had trimmed their
nails all you-know-what broke loose.
I realized I was choosing to use my
writing as a catharsis and once
consciously aware of that I gained
momentum and steam writing as fast
as my mind could think (almost!)
or more accurately as my heart could
feel just getting it down and out,
spelling be(I don't want to swear here)
darned and I just let out with remarkable
clarity and articulate expression all
that I had taken in but hadn't allowed
to flow through and out of me in
the natural manner anything is taken
into the body as sustenance, used and
processed and let go of effortlessly.
I've experienced breaking through this
barrier of apparent writer's block before
knowing it for the sham it is--
a worthless veil over my light,
clamoring for expression.
Unexpressed magnificence festers in the
soul and eventually kills the organism.
A kind of autoimmune disease of the spirit.
Nature shuttles us forward when we begin
and take a step or two in her direction.
My 1/2 page turned into 10 pages unusually
pouring my heart and feelings onto the page
instead of my mind and ideas.
I guess the moral is don't quit at 1/2 page.
Something relaxes and loosens and the
flow begins in earnest.
Copyright © 2012 by Gary Frates
Friday, June 8, 2012
Awakening to Spirit
It's strange the way the world works.
If there was more to existence than
this one lifetime you'd think some
power would take out ads on the biggest
billboards in the world proclaiming it.
Or, if UFO's wanted their presence known
for sure, you'd at least think they'd
leave behind a hubcap or a bumper sticker
that was a bit less confusing and
ambiguous than crop circles that could run
next to some crosswords in the NY Times
for some brilliant person to decipher and
explain to the masses.
But proof is hard to come by for such topics
these days.
People have asked me in the past
if I was "spiritual".
They knew I meditated and was into
some pretty "weird" metaphysical areas.
In fact, I'd look into anything, and still do.
But spiritual stumped me. I didn't exactly know
what it meant. So, over the years and decades
I thought if you drew a line I'd be on the
spiritual side of it but had no idea what
either side of that line meant. If we're talking
religion, I guess I'd be an agnostic, but
I'm a recovering religionist and I think
spiritual is mostly in another box--at least
from my perspective.
My father used to say: 'What do you think,
the world revolves around you? "Hmmm...yes?"
I would think.
My view of myself as important
was slowly and insidiously being eroded
as I came to believe and be taught
I was more insignificant and
less important than I thought.
Especially when it came to my father's
strict rules--trying to keep his
"illusion" of control.
At such a young age the consequences
of that kind of upbringing puts you LAST every
time, eventually, at least in your thinking and
then in your life.
I admit, maybe rebelliously, I've been pretty
self-centered and worried a lot
about what other people thought of me in the past.
Just out of my most powerful curiosity, have I
explored a lot of things but only now some
almost-close-to-definitive-proof is coming to my
awareness and some of that curiosity is turning
gradually, as a leaf in Spring
to a belief in the existence of SOMETHING MORE.
So this shift to being more "spiritual" may be taking
on a footprint in the sand--for now--until the next
big wave washes away that certainty that I possibly
"have the answer". But still, no hubcaps.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
If there was more to existence than
this one lifetime you'd think some
power would take out ads on the biggest
billboards in the world proclaiming it.
Or, if UFO's wanted their presence known
for sure, you'd at least think they'd
leave behind a hubcap or a bumper sticker
that was a bit less confusing and
ambiguous than crop circles that could run
next to some crosswords in the NY Times
for some brilliant person to decipher and
explain to the masses.
But proof is hard to come by for such topics
these days.
People have asked me in the past
if I was "spiritual".
They knew I meditated and was into
some pretty "weird" metaphysical areas.
In fact, I'd look into anything, and still do.
But spiritual stumped me. I didn't exactly know
what it meant. So, over the years and decades
I thought if you drew a line I'd be on the
spiritual side of it but had no idea what
either side of that line meant. If we're talking
religion, I guess I'd be an agnostic, but
I'm a recovering religionist and I think
spiritual is mostly in another box--at least
from my perspective.
My father used to say: 'What do you think,
the world revolves around you? "Hmmm...yes?"
I would think.
My view of myself as important
was slowly and insidiously being eroded
as I came to believe and be taught
I was more insignificant and
less important than I thought.
Especially when it came to my father's
strict rules--trying to keep his
"illusion" of control.
At such a young age the consequences
of that kind of upbringing puts you LAST every
time, eventually, at least in your thinking and
then in your life.
I admit, maybe rebelliously, I've been pretty
self-centered and worried a lot
about what other people thought of me in the past.
Just out of my most powerful curiosity, have I
explored a lot of things but only now some
almost-close-to-definitive-proof is coming to my
awareness and some of that curiosity is turning
gradually, as a leaf in Spring
to a belief in the existence of SOMETHING MORE.
So this shift to being more "spiritual" may be taking
on a footprint in the sand--for now--until the next
big wave washes away that certainty that I possibly
"have the answer". But still, no hubcaps.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
A Million isn't what it used to be
So fleeting often are the feelings
we experience but as long as it's
still mostly here I'll just say
that "I feel like a million bucks".
I think I first heard that from my
father and so I've been tapping into
that level of feeling of well-being
fairly frequently over the recent
months and maybe the last year
or so. I used to never
get to feeling that good--
once in a great, great while, maybe.
This morning I actually stated:
"I feel like a 'billion' bucks!"
(I gave myself a raise:)--
these days a million
isn't what it used to be
when I was growing up.
So a little while ago,
I stated:
"I feel like a million bucks"--
still feeling good
but down from the billion
I was experiencing this morning.
I think I can tie these
euphoric-type,"high" feelings
to certain activities--
usually right after them.
They blip up and then come
down into a more normal
sustained level.
I would like to drop
the money analogy though
we're so materially oriented
in this society.
But I haven't thought
of a substitute yet--
kind of going on
the old programming still.
Happy that my moods are
peppered with these great
feelings, though. I don't
remember feeling this
consistently good over an extended
period of time
for no particular reason
(didn't hit the lottery, didn't
get engaged, get a raise, etc.)
I must be doing something right
even though from my side
I'm still looking to make
some big moves, changes
in my life--
like as soon as I'm ready.
It seems like I'm ready but
if I really was I'd have
what I wanted so I guess
I'm not quite there yet.
--the universe's timing is
always "perfect"--right?
how could it be otherwise?
but my impatient self
doesn't see it that way.
It "wants what It wants,
when It wants it"
trying to trump
the universe's wisdom.
Good to have things
to reach for...
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
we experience but as long as it's
still mostly here I'll just say
that "I feel like a million bucks".
I think I first heard that from my
father and so I've been tapping into
that level of feeling of well-being
fairly frequently over the recent
months and maybe the last year
or so. I used to never
get to feeling that good--
once in a great, great while, maybe.
This morning I actually stated:
"I feel like a 'billion' bucks!"
(I gave myself a raise:)--
these days a million
isn't what it used to be
when I was growing up.
So a little while ago,
I stated:
"I feel like a million bucks"--
still feeling good
but down from the billion
I was experiencing this morning.
I think I can tie these
euphoric-type,"high" feelings
to certain activities--
usually right after them.
They blip up and then come
down into a more normal
sustained level.
I would like to drop
the money analogy though
we're so materially oriented
in this society.
But I haven't thought
of a substitute yet--
kind of going on
the old programming still.
Happy that my moods are
peppered with these great
feelings, though. I don't
remember feeling this
consistently good over an extended
period of time
for no particular reason
(didn't hit the lottery, didn't
get engaged, get a raise, etc.)
I must be doing something right
even though from my side
I'm still looking to make
some big moves, changes
in my life--
like as soon as I'm ready.
It seems like I'm ready but
if I really was I'd have
what I wanted so I guess
I'm not quite there yet.
--the universe's timing is
always "perfect"--right?
how could it be otherwise?
but my impatient self
doesn't see it that way.
It "wants what It wants,
when It wants it"
trying to trump
the universe's wisdom.
Good to have things
to reach for...
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Monday, June 4, 2012
Recapturing the Early Years
As I thought back into my life--
I actually knew where I was
going prior to my arriving
at the scene on the beach
with "my friends"
--people whom I had met
for the first time
during our summer vacation.
I wanted to go back
to the feelings
of being ACCEPTED
and--if I can loosely
use the word,
because it's so powerful
and has many levels of
application and meaning
--LOVED.
It wasn't because
I was family--
although that doesn't
diminish feelings
of love from there--
or for any other reason
than for who I was
as a person,
a personality, if you will.
I just introduced myself--
as shy and fearful
as I was and am--
to people
and what developed,
did.
I just followed my
and their lead
as to whether
to immerse myself
more deeply in getting
to know them better.
It was all very natural
and I didn't think
too much about it.
I was just being me,
innocently becoming
aware of relationships
and of my feelings
about myself and others
especially with the mix
of the opposite sex
thrown in
at this time in my life
--the teen years.
Paradoxically,
as turbulent as those times
must have been,
I felt the most carefree,
the most happy,
the most free.
I have never seemed to
regain the feelings
of innocence
in growing up
discovering the world
and feeling comfortable
with my place in it
as well as with
the "friends"
I have had around me.
That seems painful
to admit but seems
the most true.
I either lost something
or lost touch
with something
since then
that seems
like it needs
recapturing or
replacing--
like a broken vase
unable to hold the
beautiful flowers
it once did so easily.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
I actually knew where I was
going prior to my arriving
at the scene on the beach
with "my friends"
--people whom I had met
for the first time
during our summer vacation.
I wanted to go back
to the feelings
of being ACCEPTED
and--if I can loosely
use the word,
because it's so powerful
and has many levels of
application and meaning
--LOVED.
It wasn't because
I was family--
although that doesn't
diminish feelings
of love from there--
or for any other reason
than for who I was
as a person,
a personality, if you will.
I just introduced myself--
as shy and fearful
as I was and am--
to people
and what developed,
did.
I just followed my
and their lead
as to whether
to immerse myself
more deeply in getting
to know them better.
It was all very natural
and I didn't think
too much about it.
I was just being me,
innocently becoming
aware of relationships
and of my feelings
about myself and others
especially with the mix
of the opposite sex
thrown in
at this time in my life
--the teen years.
Paradoxically,
as turbulent as those times
must have been,
I felt the most carefree,
the most happy,
the most free.
I have never seemed to
regain the feelings
of innocence
in growing up
discovering the world
and feeling comfortable
with my place in it
as well as with
the "friends"
I have had around me.
That seems painful
to admit but seems
the most true.
I either lost something
or lost touch
with something
since then
that seems
like it needs
recapturing or
replacing--
like a broken vase
unable to hold the
beautiful flowers
it once did so easily.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Stretching The Limits of Credulity
Sometimes our beliefs
and ideas
about the world
are shaken
to the core.
All of a sudden
we have
more questions
than answers.
Not that this
is inherently bad
but it may seem like
we are walking
across the ocean
floating on ice blocks
never knowing
whether we can
make the leap
to the next one
without a cold,
awakening
sea bath.
(We really do need
to wake up, right?)
Although,I would rather
reexamine my concept
of truth and see
whether it stands
the test of a new awareness
than live in a stodgy denial,
being unwilling to update
"the earth is flat" mentality
I am living with (which
may not have served me
all that well, anyway:).
It's in just such a state,
I find myself immersed
intuitively sensing
making the switch
to a new or at least
a revamped belief
would really be a good move
no matter how much upheaval
it may entail.
Sort of like having
to move house
when you know what you have
is definitely unsuitable
and you have
a lot of belongings!
It would be nice to
tie up some loose ends
but for now I have one
foot in the old beliefs
and one in (trying on) the new.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
and ideas
about the world
are shaken
to the core.
All of a sudden
we have
more questions
than answers.
Not that this
is inherently bad
but it may seem like
we are walking
across the ocean
floating on ice blocks
never knowing
whether we can
make the leap
to the next one
without a cold,
awakening
sea bath.
(We really do need
to wake up, right?)
Although,I would rather
reexamine my concept
of truth and see
whether it stands
the test of a new awareness
than live in a stodgy denial,
being unwilling to update
"the earth is flat" mentality
I am living with (which
may not have served me
all that well, anyway:).
It's in just such a state,
I find myself immersed
intuitively sensing
making the switch
to a new or at least
a revamped belief
would really be a good move
no matter how much upheaval
it may entail.
Sort of like having
to move house
when you know what you have
is definitely unsuitable
and you have
a lot of belongings!
It would be nice to
tie up some loose ends
but for now I have one
foot in the old beliefs
and one in (trying on) the new.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Playing a Bigger Part Than I Supposed
I feel my emotions are in a vice-grip-like pose. Lately my feelings are more open and available for interaction with the outside world. Before they were, if even surfacing, confined to the limits of my skin and no further did they extend. It seems I care about people, becoming involved with them, inadvertently as it were, not even knowing I have formed a caring bond and thus feeling a responsibility to perfect strangers that only a couple of days or moments before, depending on when this bond actually developed, I did not know.
I'm better at this letting go than this but only now my feelings are more wide open, more accessible to others' feelings and we form bonds that are more cemented and take a greater resolve to let go of unproductive and negative associations, for instance, that I may have about some behavior I did or didn't do. If I had it to do over, I'd have changed it. But I may have not learned a more powerful lesson that I'm supposedly now learning and will see and understand more in retrospect had I not fell short, as I perceived I did, and acted to save someone's feelings from being hurt as I would have done had I been more aware than I actually was.
I seem to be in another world as I leave home for the day only to return to something like a dual life I am leading. I'm not sure which feels more real or more satisfying as being connected with others and being with myself both hold desirable rewards. If I felt freer, with less fear, I don't know which I'd choose. The world is stressful but stimulating, and gives me an "alive" feeling. Conversely, relaxing alone at home with my thoughts and feelings is relieving and sometimes like when I cannot seem to let an emotion go as was described above in a timely manner, it's irritating and taints the rather pleasant experience of just "being" with myself and enjoying the release from the demands of the world outside the confines of my front door.
So he said, "Did you sign it?" Sign what, the card? Yes. No, I didn't. Did you want me to? Enthusiastically, he answers, "yes". Oh, O.K.
I, being a substitute teacher he just met yesterday, by his 7 year old decision, made me feel somewhat special to know that it meant something to him to sign his going away card the class had created, and they all signed, for his changing schools hundreds of miles away to another state. It made me feel included, which I haven't felt much of in my life, actually--even as a substitute, I don't stay in one place too long usually, and don't develop many close bonds, consequently.
So I apparently had played a bigger part in his life than I had imagined, or so it seemed.
I'm aware that I influence kids a lot by my actions, esp. the younger ones--it's actually a pretty big responsibility, a least I feel it is, to be a teacher. Often, I want kids to know what I know even if they don't completely understand it, the seed will be planted and they can do with it what they will when they get older.
The schools are so restrictive about what teachers are allowed to say and introduce, being fearful of parents' possible adverse reactions or other repercussions.
So, I should know that I probably play a bigger part than I suppose when I am around younger, impressionable, developing beings and take my actions as role modeling to those whom I'm around.
It really feels good to be around the genuineness of the younger kids. We often play and have fun without the fustiness of an adult's point of view--I actually become like one of them because I can still tap into that child-like innocence they have and participate in some of the same simple pleasures they find so much joy in becoming aware of.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates All Rights Reserved
I'm better at this letting go than this but only now my feelings are more wide open, more accessible to others' feelings and we form bonds that are more cemented and take a greater resolve to let go of unproductive and negative associations, for instance, that I may have about some behavior I did or didn't do. If I had it to do over, I'd have changed it. But I may have not learned a more powerful lesson that I'm supposedly now learning and will see and understand more in retrospect had I not fell short, as I perceived I did, and acted to save someone's feelings from being hurt as I would have done had I been more aware than I actually was.
I seem to be in another world as I leave home for the day only to return to something like a dual life I am leading. I'm not sure which feels more real or more satisfying as being connected with others and being with myself both hold desirable rewards. If I felt freer, with less fear, I don't know which I'd choose. The world is stressful but stimulating, and gives me an "alive" feeling. Conversely, relaxing alone at home with my thoughts and feelings is relieving and sometimes like when I cannot seem to let an emotion go as was described above in a timely manner, it's irritating and taints the rather pleasant experience of just "being" with myself and enjoying the release from the demands of the world outside the confines of my front door.
So he said, "Did you sign it?" Sign what, the card? Yes. No, I didn't. Did you want me to? Enthusiastically, he answers, "yes". Oh, O.K.
I, being a substitute teacher he just met yesterday, by his 7 year old decision, made me feel somewhat special to know that it meant something to him to sign his going away card the class had created, and they all signed, for his changing schools hundreds of miles away to another state. It made me feel included, which I haven't felt much of in my life, actually--even as a substitute, I don't stay in one place too long usually, and don't develop many close bonds, consequently.
So I apparently had played a bigger part in his life than I had imagined, or so it seemed.
I'm aware that I influence kids a lot by my actions, esp. the younger ones--it's actually a pretty big responsibility, a least I feel it is, to be a teacher. Often, I want kids to know what I know even if they don't completely understand it, the seed will be planted and they can do with it what they will when they get older.
The schools are so restrictive about what teachers are allowed to say and introduce, being fearful of parents' possible adverse reactions or other repercussions.
So, I should know that I probably play a bigger part than I suppose when I am around younger, impressionable, developing beings and take my actions as role modeling to those whom I'm around.
It really feels good to be around the genuineness of the younger kids. We often play and have fun without the fustiness of an adult's point of view--I actually become like one of them because I can still tap into that child-like innocence they have and participate in some of the same simple pleasures they find so much joy in becoming aware of.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates All Rights Reserved
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