As I thought back into my life--
I actually knew where I was
going prior to my arriving
at the scene on the beach
with "my friends"
--people whom I had met
for the first time
during our summer vacation.
I wanted to go back
to the feelings
of being ACCEPTED
and--if I can loosely
use the word,
because it's so powerful
and has many levels of
application and meaning
--LOVED.
It wasn't because
I was family--
although that doesn't
diminish feelings
of love from there--
or for any other reason
than for who I was
as a person,
a personality, if you will.
I just introduced myself--
as shy and fearful
as I was and am--
to people
and what developed,
did.
I just followed my
and their lead
as to whether
to immerse myself
more deeply in getting
to know them better.
It was all very natural
and I didn't think
too much about it.
I was just being me,
innocently becoming
aware of relationships
and of my feelings
about myself and others
especially with the mix
of the opposite sex
thrown in
at this time in my life
--the teen years.
Paradoxically,
as turbulent as those times
must have been,
I felt the most carefree,
the most happy,
the most free.
I have never seemed to
regain the feelings
of innocence
in growing up
discovering the world
and feeling comfortable
with my place in it
as well as with
the "friends"
I have had around me.
That seems painful
to admit but seems
the most true.
I either lost something
or lost touch
with something
since then
that seems
like it needs
recapturing or
replacing--
like a broken vase
unable to hold the
beautiful flowers
it once did so easily.
Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates
No comments:
Post a Comment