Awakening to Spirit

It's strange the way the world works.
If there was more to existence than
this one lifetime you'd think some
power would take out ads on the biggest
billboards in the world proclaiming it.
Or, if UFO's wanted their presence known
for sure, you'd at least think they'd
leave behind a hubcap or a bumper sticker
that was a bit less confusing and
ambiguous than crop circles that could run
next to some crosswords in the NY Times
for some brilliant person to decipher and
explain to the masses.
But proof is hard to come by for such topics
these days.
People have asked me in the past
if I was "spiritual".
They knew I meditated and was into
some pretty "weird" metaphysical areas.
In fact, I'd look into anything, and still do.
But spiritual stumped me. I didn't exactly know
what it meant. So, over the years and decades
I thought if you drew a line I'd be on the
spiritual side of it but had no idea what
either side of that line meant. If we're talking
religion, I guess I'd be an agnostic, but
I'm a recovering religionist and I think
spiritual is mostly in another box--at least
from my perspective.
My father used to say: 'What do you think,
the world revolves around you? "Hmmm...yes?"
I would think.
My view of myself as important
was slowly and insidiously being eroded
as I came to believe and be taught
I was more insignificant and
less important than I thought.
Especially when it came to my father's
strict rules--trying to keep his
"illusion" of control.
At such a young age the consequences
of that kind of upbringing puts you LAST every
time, eventually, at least in your thinking and
then in your life.
I admit, maybe rebelliously, I've been pretty
self-centered and worried a lot
about what other people thought of me in the past.
Just out of my most powerful curiosity, have I
explored a lot of things but only now some
almost-close-to-definitive-proof is coming to my
awareness and some of that curiosity is turning
gradually, as a leaf in Spring
to a belief in the existence of SOMETHING MORE.
So this shift to being more "spiritual" may be taking
on a footprint in the sand--for now--until the next
big wave washes away that certainty that I possibly
"have the answer". But still, no hubcaps.



Copyright © 2012 Gary Frates